Peter Cook
Bruce Lee

On learning by his mistakes , I think I have, yes, and I think I can probably repeat them almost perfectly. I know my mistakes inside out.

On sucess, There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're born with these so-called defects you have a very good chance of getting to the top.

On his knob, Do you think you can get tax relief on an unemployed knob?

On sex and religion, I wrote to the council of churches the other day, and told them about this F%^king bible (especially St. Paul)... gives me the F^&*ing horn... I wrote, ya know... civil to them at the council of chrurches and I said 'Dear cunt's in charge of religion, ya know... familiar, freindly like... I said your f%^king guide book.. or whatever the f^$king thing is, don't half give me the horn... I get horny... especialy on Saint Paul...' and I got No reply what-so-ever on that... CUNTS. No wonder church attendance is droping.


On oneself, To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.

On patience, Do not run away; let go. Do not seek, for it will come when least expected.

On the truth, The perfect way is only difficult for those who pick and choose. Do not like, do not dislike; all will then be clear. Make a hairbreadth difference and heaven and earth are set apart; if you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between "for" and "against" is the mind's worst disease.

On immortality, The key to immortality is first to live a life worth remembering.

On Jeet Kune Do, The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action. There is no fixed teaching. All I can provide is an appropriate medicine for a particular ailment.

On understanding, When you point to the moon, what do you see in front of your finger; Your task is to feel, not to think, when you can understand that the lesson will be learned.

Woody Allen
Clint Eastwood

On life, I don't want to achieve immortality threw my work, I want to achieve it by not dying.

In living on the silver screen, I'd rather live on in my apartment.

On the spiritural world, Human Beings are divided by mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

On death, On the plus side it's one of the few things that can be done as easily as lying down.

On God, Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekend.


On oneself, A mans gotta know his limitations

On anger, I better leave before you go and lose your temper.

On public opinion, Opinions are like ass-holes… everbodys got one.

On ethnicity, BURT: 'Don't take no offence from Harry, He hates niggers, wops, spooks, kikes… hell Harry hates everybody' HARRY: 'Yeah… you can say I'm a equal opportunities racist'.

On people roles, There are two types of people in this life my friend… Those with a noose around their neck, and those that have the job of cutting.

John Cleese
Peter Sellers

On originality, When you create something new, it takes times for its popularity to build up.

On comparing his succeses, Monty Python was a comedy of ideas where as Faulty Towers is a comedy of emotion

On life, If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

On creativity, If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.


On himself, There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.

In the film Dr. Strangelove, You can't fight in here....this is the War Room!!

On setting off the bomb, We don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, now do we Jack?

On unneaded speaking, Conversation like television set on honeymoon...unnecessary

Spike Milligan
Eric Morecombe

On The Goon Show, "We all had this sort of lunatic sense of humour. We turned everything into imbecility, doing things like climbing Mount Everest from the inside."

On his refusal to swear the oath of allegiance, which deprived him of a British passport, When Prince Charles pointed out that even he had to swear the oath and urged him to think again, Milligan said: "Yes, but it's your mother isn't it? You don't get board and lodging at Buckingham Palace if you don't swear an oath."

On Caesar, He ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

On cash, Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

On heaven, "I'd like to go there. But if Jeffrey Archer is there I want to go to Lewisham." On modern comedy, "I watch American comedies and they are as funny as a baby with cancer."

To Sir Harry Secombe, "I hope you go before me because I don't want you singing at my funeral."

On death, "I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

On receiving an honorary CBE in 1992, "I can't see the sense in it really. It makes me a commander of the British empire. They might as well make me a commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists!"


On his musical ability, I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

On borrowing, My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.


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